RhianCaroline

[belated] hello 2011

 

taken from a journal entry written last year:

my hope for you is that you live life, that you breath deep the humid fragrance of mundane chores and wild adventures,
that you gaze at the moon each night and journal about the sound of each rain drop as it carelessly tumbles to its inevitable death.

my hope is that you care more about your land,
about your history,
about the mark you are making,
and less about the hair you are sporting or what the next girl is wearing.

my hope, my deep seated gut wrenching desire, is that you life real life,
that you love real friends,
that you work for real change.
that you do not forget the bright lights and brighter still the stars.
that feeling of being somewhere that can be all of the above, with none of the pitfalls of technology and waste.

live offline.
create real life.
cultivate actual change.

drive-by-mon-day

 

always remember

 
 
 

Whatever is unnamed, undepicted in images, whatever is omitted from biography, censored in collections of letters, whatever is misnamed as something else, made difficult-to-come-by, whatever is buried in the memory by the collapse of meaning under an inadequate or lying language - this will become, not merely unspoken, but unspeakable.

- Adrienne Rich

 

I'm feeling like maybe I am finally remembering why I photo, and document, and blog. It was a long 2009 of very little creativity, of a lot of questioning what on earth the point of any of it is; of all the journals stacked high with journal entries, and the hand made fabric art journals.
It was a year of coming out of a situation that left me worn out and amazed. Despite the lovely friends I had made through it. It was a year of denying and dismissing documenting things, because it had been made to feel so forced and compulsory.
It was a year of emotional exhaustions; of cancer and illness and lost friendships.

Yet it was also a year of secret things. Of getting back to the basics; crochet, and fabric, and the written word. And of sharing very little of it. Of keeping it all for myself, just like I used to, just like I started with.
Because it is mine, just for me, and I needed to learn that all over again.

But I know some wonderful artists, people who are free and caring and organic in their creations, and it's reminding me that there must surely be a community out there for me to be a part of. A community of sharing and not competing, a community making thoughtful creations not commercialised ideas.

There are big plans coming, these next two years are going to be the foundation of it all. Starting with a trip to Austin, where said plans may just come into fruition.

But, Rhian, you must start small. You must learn your voice again, you must remember to create with abandon, you must not be fearful to share some of those creations, and you must do it all for the therapy.

Remember this.

Just do something

I reblogged this quote yesterday, and it was just the thing I needed to read.

I have notebook upon notebook full of ideas I need to make. Art journal pages that want to be created. Sewing projects just begging to be given a chance. But instead, I read books. I check emails. I look for jobs that don't exist. I play on tumblr. I check emails. I read books. I walk the dog. I tidy. I check emails.
I waste my time.
I am so fed up with myself wasting my time, that I waste my time some more. 
Add in this time wastage with my general roller coaster of energy levels, and you get on average, one thing made per month. One blog entry a week. A handful of photos. And no where near enough writing. 

For about three months I have been planning this:

I've been trying to figure out what a contemporary youth retreat would look like, what we as leaders would 'look' like, what the ultimate message we want to give out would be.

It has a lot to do with Story.
With self expression.
With what our self expression says about our Story.
And with what our Story says about us.

I don't want my Story to be a waste of time.

I want my Story to be about creativity. About sincere expression and genuine creations made by my hands.
I want all the things I do, and say, and make, and paint, to be a reflection of the Hope and Grace I believe in.

This year has already started out as a kind of cleaning process. I have made active decisions to choose certain things, and make certain changes. So this is just another step in that process.
If I am going to be able to introduce these young people this summer, to a life filled with honesty and respect and care.
I am going to have to get off the effing internet!

This is an entry that has been typed in advance. You will all read it on Friday the 22nd of January. As it stands at the moment, I am still going to attempt to blog Monday, Wednesday and Friday. But they will mostly be pre-written entries.
I am cutting the internet this month, limiting myself to an email check in the morning, and an email check in the evening.
I think this will enable me to create stuff, and write about stuff, and think about stuff, that will eventually end up in blog entries, and flickr images, a zine editions.
But mostly. It will force me to stop wasting so.much.time.

Do something compelling, guys. At least make some changes that will encourage you to do something compelling. Life is just too short and big to be wasted.

so i am recycling this 'video' i created a long time ago. because it couldn't be more perfect for how i feel right now.
i'm painting through a particularly unexplainable event this week. and writing. and creating.
and trying to remember how this world works when it is good. when death and disbelief don't seem to infiltrate every aspect of it.
and predicting the way to do that is to just allow it. allow the disbelief and shock and sadness.

i'll be back wednesday with a commercial for Mirror Mirror, mine and kim's class :)

okay september, time to acknowledge you

 

The truth is we never had a summer. But yet I still can not bare to admit it is September, having therefore lost all hope of having a summer.
To be a little bit fair, there was that one week back in June when all the overly tanned pot bellied men took their tops off and wondered around the streets of Neath, because the good lord blessed us with unusually high temperatures.
And then London last month, where we had 5 whole days of glorious sunshine, enabling me to lay around the garden in a pair of Dan's boxers and books 2 and 3 of the Stookie Satackhouse collection.
But this a summer does not make.

Alas, it feels it has come time to bid fare thee well to the glorious ball of heat. The leaves are changing, and it has become essential to throw a hoody/jacket on. Here on in I guess I have to embrace long scarves, wooly hats, tights, boots, and these beautiful arm warmers. Maybe.
Autumn makes me me want to paint, and collage, and drink fruit teas, all the while lighting scented candles early evening, and listening to Iron and Wine.

page preview

 

well.
i am getting this zine done and dusted, this week. here is a page to prove it. its all done, i'm just figuring it out.

i'll be back with the finished thang :)

 

circa Jan 2008.

all the strength of the stars

 

And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything.  ~William Shakespeare

Maybe my favourite Shakey quote. Goodness, it is hard to be found in some places.
But to look for it has to be the key.
Seeking and trees.
And friends who like to take photos.
Photos I will get around to editing very soon.
And day time straight to t.v. movies. Toast and tea. Sleep. Great books. Nervous puppies. Hope for the future.
Just a few of the things that make my world go round :)

exohexoh!