its that time of year. my mind goes into overdrive, my body responds to circumstances beyond my control, and i question my sanity regularly throughout the day.
my blog becomes sparse this time of year. my journal pages are overflowing. and my eyes become that much more troubled and tired.
i realised quite soon on, anger only gets you so far. there is only so much energy that can be expended on it. until eventually, although you know exactly what you are justifiably angry at, you wonder what the point is.
what the point of anything is.
what the point of life is if he is not in it.
i fight so hard not to be sad. and overwhelmed. and completely buried with missing and longing. i avoid a lot of things because i fight so hard against all of that.
i don't listen to certain songs. or watch movies that will obviously bring me to tears. i fill my world with pretty things, and plans, and hide my secrets under layers of paint and pain.
but somtimes it creeps in.
i have good friends. who send me texts with nothing but the words, 'i am here.' and post sent so that it arrives on the most unperfect of perfect days. friends who understand, perhaps the hardest thing i struggle with, is not my personal missing. but his life that was cut short.
my friend wrote this for me. and i can't think of a better thing for this week to share with you, my dear readers.